Dal tradizionale al provocatorio, Marlè Magazine parla di eleganza classica ed erotismo puro. E non si ferma, non ha paura di mostrare ciò che in passato è stato etichettato come un tabù.
Quei tabù che sono vergogna agli occhi degli ignoranti.
Marlè sfida i giudizi.
Accultura, stupisce, rapisce.
Marlè apre il cuore e la mente.
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Dal tradizionale al provocatorio, Marlè Magazine parla di moda, sessuologia, psicologia, sociologia. Marlè si fa portavoce di una visione autentica e insindacabile della vita, regalando così la possibilità di anestetizzare i taboo.
Quei tabù che sono vergogna agli occhi degli ignoranti.
Marlè sfida i giudizi.
Accultura, stupisce, rapisce.
Marlè apre il cuore e la mente.
Cart ︎
Products
Information
Distribution
YouTube
Dott.ssa Fanni Guidolin
Specialista nella Riabilitazione Perineale
Consulente Sessuale
Painting by Jacob Pescollderungg
ORGASMS
OUT OF TIME?
ORGASMS
OUT OF TIME?
Do we all need an instruction manual?
Why does the female orgasm always feel out of reach? It’s not our fault. The difficulties we face as humans often lie in our lack of self-awareness. No one at school taught us how the clitoris works nor how to read the cartography of pleasure, which no library seems to hold. Nonetheless, one of the first anatomically correct illustrations of the clitoris can be found in Régnier De Graaf’s 1972 treatise. Still, we must turn our attention to the studies of Master and Johnson, written in the mid-seventies, to further demystify the orgasm.
Achieving male and female orgasms requires a balance of physical and emotional factors, namely, relaxed working conditions and reciprocated feelings rather than an artificial ability to decrypt emotions. Orgasms are encouraged because they improve mental health and deepen relationships. But how do we achieve said conditions when performance anxiety inevitably gets in the way? According to the standards set by pornography, the penis must always be high-performance and the vulva aesthetically attractive. If we don’t achieve said standards, we are plagued by feelings of incompetence and a loss of self-esteem.
While 30% of men currently suffer from premature ejaculation, a quick internet search will reveal that 60% of women can’t orgasm within an “acceptable” time frame. Did you know the clitoris is the female version of the penis? I always ask people that question.
The two organs share an intricate vascularisation and a multiplanar structure that helps them fulfil their respective roles. Nonetheless, a good 19% of women claim to have never orgasmed, compared to a much smaller 4% of men. What is behind this orgasm gap? This is down to an unwillingness many women feel towards observing their vulva in the mirror or actualising their fantasies. Not to mention men’s resistance towards asking urologists about penile conditions. And buckling at the sight of an obstacle won’t help us evolve as a society.
Very few people know that the clitoris is much more than a button-like gland; it also consists of a fleshy hood, two vestibular bulbs, and a pair of leg-like crura that run internally down the labia majora and into the vaginal canal. In my interviews, I often entertain myself by showing friends, passers-by, or tourists a picture of one and asking them what they think it is. “A flower, a sex toy, a hair accessory, a small
animal,” they say, “a knick knack…I don’t know!” Only 1% of people guess correctly.
More often than not, men press down on that button as though they were calling an elevator or enthusiastically shove two fingers inside a vagina, causing pain and irritation. They overlook the importance of giving compliments, massages, and caresses in the 24 hours before sex is even a consideration, thinking instead that foreplay is restricted to oral sex and masturbation right before the act. On the other hand, even women limit themselves to the oral or manual exploration of the penile glans, thus neglecting the testicles, the perineum, or even the taboo to end all taboos: the anal canal, which leads to the prostate.
Every woman is built differently, with the glans placed closer to or further away from the vaginal opening, meaning that the penis causes more or less orgasmic pleasure upon insertion. Sometimes it depends on the dimensions of the penis, other times on the coital position. Yet how many think simply inserting a penis is enough to please a woman endlessly? Far too many.
Enveloped by perineal muscles that wear and become hypotonic with time, the clitoris is even responsible for a decrease in sex drive. It is surrounded by hormone-dependent muscles that feel the effects of menopause, medical pathologies, or surgical compromises.
We seem to have forgotten that orgasms are dependent on sexual fantasies, which remain unknown and much maligned (no, it doesn’t mean you’re cheating if you think of erotic situations with a third person while relaxing into an orgasm!) Fantasies, which often remain unexpressed, help us immerse and abandon ourselves to pure pleasure. And yet, the anxiety persists. If you can’t orgasm, it’s best to pretend (77% of women have at least once.) We remain convinced there’s a predetermined time frame to feel good if we want to be seen as “normal.” Women fake an orgasm to avoid tiring out their partner or lowering their self-esteem or because, let’s be honest…their partner simply doesn’t know what to do in bed.
Conquering an orgasm often feels like winning a prestigious prize. In a study led by the Italian association of applied sexology and psychology, only 30% of women can achieve and prefer vaginal orgasms. Almost 70% prefer orgasming through either direct clitoral stimulation or by rubbing their glans during penetration. A lot of men don’t know this, and we can tell.
Men must last ages to please, and women must rush to help their partners feel satisfied with their work. The result? Being out of time, the couple stops talking, the resentment piles up, and after a couple of years, we seek pleasure elsewhere, convinced it’s our partner’s fault.
For example, none of the men I’ve met at my seminaries have considered the fact that quick sex can increase sexual compatibility and sex drive for forthcoming slow encounters. “Absolutely not” says the man struck by a sense of false altruism, “the woman always comes first!” Just to appease his own male ego. A lot of women also think it’s a sign of egoism if only one person reaches orgasm. Well, let’s reframe this into altruism—enjoying quick sex when we are overcome by passion and planning for slow sex the next time.
We haven’t run out of time; we've just lost our sense of direction when it comes to pleasure. Explore yourself and each other. Focus on language, on small touches, and only after should you use your tongue.
Do we all need an instruction manual?
Why does the female orgasm always feel out of reach? It’s not our fault. The difficulties we face as humans often lie in our lack of self-awareness. No one at school taught us how the clitoris works nor how to read the cartography of pleasure, which no library seems to hold. Nonetheless, one of the first anatomically correct illustrations of the clitoris can be found in Régnier De Graaf’s 1972 treatise. Still, we must turn our attention to the studies of Master and Johnson, written in the mid-seventies, to further demystify the orgasm.
Achieving male and female orgasms requires a balance of physical and emotional factors, namely, relaxed working conditions and reciprocated feelings rather than an artificial ability to decrypt emotions. Orgasms are encouraged because they improve mental health and deepen relationships. But how do we achieve said conditions when performance anxiety inevitably gets in the way? According to the standards set by pornography, the penis must always be high-performance and the vulva aesthetically attractive. If we don’t achieve said standards, we are plagued by feelings of incompetence and a loss of self-esteem.
While 30% of men currently suffer from premature ejaculation, a quick internet search will reveal that 60% of women can’t orgasm within an “acceptable” time frame. Did you know the clitoris is the female version of the penis? I always ask people that question.
The two organs share an intricate vascularisation and a multiplanar structure that helps them fulfil their respective roles. Nonetheless, a good 19% of women claim to have never orgasmed, compared to a much smaller 4% of men. What is behind this orgasm gap? This is down to an unwillingness many women feel towards observing their vulva in the mirror or actualising their fantasies. Not to mention men’s resistance towards asking urologists about penile conditions. And buckling at the sight of an obstacle won’t help us evolve as a society.
Very few people know that the clitoris is much more than a button-like gland; it also consists of a fleshy hood, two vestibular bulbs, and a pair of leg-like crura that run internally down the labia majora and into the vaginal canal. In my interviews, I often entertain myself by showing friends, passers-by, or tourists a picture of one and asking them what they think it is. “A flower, a sex toy, a hair accessory, a small
animal,” they say, “a knick knack…I don’t know!” Only 1% of people guess correctly.
More often than not, men press down on that button as though they were calling an elevator or enthusiastically shove two fingers inside a vagina, causing pain and irritation. They overlook the importance of giving compliments, massages, and caresses in the 24 hours before sex is even a consideration, thinking instead that foreplay is restricted to oral sex and masturbation right before the act. On the other hand, even women limit themselves to the oral or manual exploration of the penile glans, thus neglecting the testicles, the perineum, or even the taboo to end all taboos: the anal canal, which leads to the prostate.
Every woman is built differently, with the glans placed closer to or further away from the vaginal opening, meaning that the penis causes more or less orgasmic pleasure upon insertion. Sometimes it depends on the dimensions of the penis, other times on the coital position. Yet how many think simply inserting a penis is enough to please a woman endlessly? Far too many.
Enveloped by perineal muscles that wear and become hypotonic with time, the clitoris is even responsible for a decrease in sex drive. It is surrounded by hormone-dependent muscles that feel the effects of menopause, medical pathologies, or surgical compromises.
We seem to have forgotten that orgasms are dependent on sexual fantasies, which remain unknown and much maligned (no, it doesn’t mean you’re cheating if you think of erotic situations with a third person while relaxing into an orgasm!) Fantasies, which often remain unexpressed, help us immerse and abandon ourselves to pure pleasure. And yet, the anxiety persists. If you can’t orgasm, it’s best to pretend (77% of women have at least once.) We remain convinced there’s a predetermined time frame to feel good if we want to be seen as “normal.” Women fake an orgasm to avoid tiring out their partner or lowering their self-esteem or because, let’s be honest…their partner simply doesn’t know what to do in bed.
Conquering an orgasm often feels like winning a prestigious prize. In a study led by the Italian association of applied sexology and psychology, only 30% of women can achieve and prefer vaginal orgasms. Almost 70% prefer orgasming through either direct clitoral stimulation or by rubbing their glans during penetration. A lot of men don’t know this, and we can tell.
Men must last ages to please, and women must rush to help their partners feel satisfied with their work. The result? Being out of time, the couple stops talking, the resentment piles up, and after a couple of years, we seek pleasure elsewhere, convinced it’s our partner’s fault.
For example, none of the men I’ve met at my seminaries have considered the fact that quick sex can increase sexual compatibility and sex drive for forthcoming slow encounters. “Absolutely not” says the man struck by a sense of false altruism, “the woman always comes first!” Just to appease his own male ego. A lot of women also think it’s a sign of egoism if only one person reaches orgasm. Well, let’s reframe this into altruism—enjoying quick sex when we are overcome by passion and planning for slow sex the next time.
We haven’t run out of time; we've just lost our sense of direction when it comes to pleasure. Explore yourself and each other. Focus on language, on small touches, and only after should you use your tongue.
Dott.ssa Fanni Guidolin
Specialista nella Riabilitazione PerinealeConsulente Sessuale